So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
