Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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