he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
