btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize