I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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