How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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