Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
