Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
