im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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