Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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