dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize