Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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