I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
