well I can't set my house on fire every night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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