I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize