So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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