Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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