This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
