Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
