So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
