Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
