Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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