return my video game
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
