8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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