remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
