Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
