She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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