The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this boner is exhausting
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
