dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
