It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize