tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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