I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize