when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
