Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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