so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
a search helicopter?!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
