Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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