I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
