This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
