I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
