I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
