I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
