I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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