Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize