don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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