I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
