You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
