Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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