I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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