Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
