Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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