We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
