i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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