Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
