based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
