After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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