You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
