he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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