Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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