Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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