Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize