Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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