i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
