and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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