For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
