what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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