Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
