The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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