Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
