Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
