Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize