He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize