He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
