I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
