after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
