I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
