then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How external is "for external use only"?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
