I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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