Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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