nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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