And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize