i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
