Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
