I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
