Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
